I love that word because we need so much more of it in this world, in our minds, and within the Christian community. 

LET’S BE REAL HERE.

Glitter wears off. One of my first realizations was a glimpse into the life of a missionary. After just the first couple of days here, I realized how quickly the new and exciting things became so mundane. When you’re just a tourist, you’re allowed to live in the glitter of things. You roll in the glitter a bit, then you move on. But the glitter of a new place, new people, new foods, new places, idea of being a missionary - when it all wears off, it’s their immense love for God and his people that keep them there. That takes dedication and perseverance. 

We all need friends. I think people forget that I can get shy. Yeah, I get along with people, but I’m not always the type to start and carry conversations. Especially when everyone is talking about the beers they want to drink and why stupid politicians would cheat on their hot wives, I don’t have much to contribute to the conversation. I have yet to click/hit it off with anyone, thinking wow I can really see myself being close to this person. Out of the 114 students from all over the US in this program, I have yet to find a sold-out for Jesus believer. Jesus as the common denominator is a great way to make close friends, but that’s not available. So that + my independent ways (to a fault at times) = no friends, just acquaintances. But I am thankful for the people that I have met and the times that I have been able to talk and hang out with them. 

It’s only been a week, and I know that I’ll have friends, eventually. But I can’t help wondering, how do all these people seem so close? How are those kids already the “popular group”? I think they went out without me!…… But with all these insecure thoughts, God reminded and rebuked me in amazing love. Even if I do not become friends with any of these people, I want to be satisfied knowing that I have been able to shine my Jesus light & people got to see God’s love for them through me. GOD’S GLORY > my need for friends. I know God will give me friends but my heart needs to be surrendered to him, my life surrendered for his kingdom, for his cause. So now I’m at a place of thinking and acting- how can I love, how can I serve, how can I include people, how can I show these people how much God freaking loves them and wants them?? 

No matter where I go, PEOPLE NEED JESUS. We all need a savior like Jesus. We all want a king like Jesus. Christians and non-Christians need Jesus. But first people who do not know Christ and his love. Within my (extended) family, my high school teachers and friends, my school, Berkeley, I see people who desperately want to encounter a love like Jesus’ - they just don’t know it! But even in Berlin, far from everything that I associate with “my life” - people need Jesus. Duh, right? But the reality of it is so much more heartbreaking when you’re there and getting to know them and loving them. I live with a woman who feels closer to God in beautiful nature and does dance therapy but believes her Indian yoga teacher in that there are as many ways to God as there are people. There is a girl from Iowa who was completely in the Christian bubble with all her friends and family but then the doubts and questions took over and she realized that she never really felt like God loved her. There is a girl from Berkeley who is known for always wearing a tail and is into anime and fetish modeling. When looking at people’s interactions, it is so obvious that we all want attention, someone to understand us, to listen to us, to care about our lives, to love us. It’s shocking how few of them have met a “real Christian.” Followers of Christ, WE NEED TO SHINE BRIGHTTT!!!!! I am learning how to do so more and more, how to step aside, put death to my flesh so that Jesus can shine through. But I realize esp at LWberks (<3) it’s too easy to get sucked into a world of believers. (ok enough about that for now. i’m down to talk more about this with anyone!!) 

Christians need Jesus “all day, errday.” I visited a Sunday service at one church and a Bible study at another. At the service, the pastor told an Eskimo(?) proverb. This guy with two dogs travels to different cities and makes money by having people bet on which dog will win in a dog fight. The guy always puts his bet on the right dog and wins loads of money every time. When someone asked how he always knew which dog would win the fight, he said it was easy. The week before, he would starve one of the dogs then place his bet on the dog that he fed. It’s like our flesh and spirit. Who will we feed —> who will win. (ok that was kinda random but I just thought that was such a good illustration) We all need Jesus. Visited churches- instead of being my default critical self, I chose instead to be love and blessings. And it was so beautiful to see how God is moving in these places. Though the people serving may not be perfect, God sees their hearts and uses them. So humbling and awesome. OH my gosh- my soc professor thinks there will come a time when animals will be equally valued as humans. WE NEED JESUS LOVERS IN ACADEMIA!!!!! People who are really gifted at loving God with their minds- GO TO THE PULPITS OF UNIVERSITIES AKA CLASSROOMS!! We need people who serve God the king of kings to be talking about Copernicus and Marx. 

I have free time. Especially the first week where we only had orientations/tours and this first week of class. This is a strange phenomenon and I often explore my surroundings by myself. I learned that pandora, hulu, netflix and most music videos on youtube don’t work outside of the US. I watched Schindler’s List and two documentaries on Martin Luther & rewatched Furious Love. 

Poop and pee. The experience changes at least a little bit when you leave the states. And it doesn’t help when you can’t really speak the language. If you want to hear related stories, feel free to ask :) 

My community back in CA is a treasure. I am reminded again that I am truly truly blessed. Not everyone is blessed with such legit friends and family. I got to depend on my family for stuff & vchat with my mom. I love how family is slowly becoming a place where good things happen. home home friends & LW friends your love and support has been such an integral part of my experience abroad - knowing that somewhere in this world are the friends that I need. 

This has gotten so long. Typical me. I think I am learning to be okay with the fact that I talk a lot sometimes -_- GOD IS GOOD!

It’s okay if your Christmas is not what you expected it to be. 

It’s okay if your Christmas is not what you wanted it to be. 

Parents fight. Families fight. You want so many good things for those that you love, but you realize you’re all too dysfunctional. You muster up enough hope to think that maybe this Christmas, things will be different. Home may remind you of the hardships of church, money, lack of prayer, loneliness, the chains of our past,  etc. You realize that the childhood magic of Christmas is gone once the realities of life settle in. 

But as childhood magic disappears, it’s time to find new magic. The magic that I find is the hope of Jesus Christ, which far outshines any other magic. It is deeper, it is faithful, it is eternal, it is joyous, it is real.

I will thank God that I got to share chocolate with my mom, go grocery shopping with my dad, talk about basketball with my brother. Thank you that we get to share a meal together on Christmas. Thank you that we are still in our home. Thank you that we are all together. Thank you for making me hungry for MORE OF YOU in our family. Thank you, God, for the the little ways that you show me that you ARE moving. I know there’s still a long, long ways to go in this hard process- but there IS hope in Christ Jesus and I WILL continue to have faith. 

But this post is not about me or my family or your family. 

‎”Christmas - not just the single day but the festival of twelve days-offers us anew this gift and draws us again into this mystery: Word-become-flesh, Creator-turned-creature, immensity-contained, fullness-poured-out, power-made-vulnerable, eternity-subject-to-time. All this self-giving by God for our sakes- a gift immeasurable a love incomprehensible.”  - Bobby Gross

This post is about remembering that today is about the birth of Christ. Mainly about Christ, and even being able to see things like our families in the light of cross. I can choose to wallow in the realities and ugliness of life, humans, families, sin, etc. But today, I choose instead to celebrate. I choose to find joy that many years ago, the Word became flesh, “Creator-turned-creature, immensity-contained, fullness-poured-out, power-made-vulnerable, eternity-subject-to-time.” Christmas is not about me and my life. I want to celebrate this amazing act of love- that God sent His one and only beloved Son onto this earth and so Jesus was born today! YO THIS IS WORTH CELEBRATING WITH EVERYTHING WE GOT! The joy that you find in the story of the cross, in the midst of everything, is deeper and fuller. This deep joy comes in knowing that the story of the cross is greater than any other story. 

A refuge for the poor               
A shelter from the storm
This is our God
  
He will wipe away your tears
Return your wasted years
This is our God

A father to the orphan
A healer to the broken
This is our God

He brings peace to our madness
And comfort in our sadness
This is our God

This is the one we have waited for
This is our God

A fountain for the thirsty
A lover for the lonely
This is our God

He brings glory to the humble
And crowns to the faithful
This is our God
Joy to the World , the Lord is come!
Let earth receive her King;
Let every heart prepare Him room,
And Heaven and nature sing,
And Heaven and nature sing,
And Heaven, and Heaven, and nature sing.
Jesus is born! He is alive! Hallelujah!

whenever I open a chocolate bar, I feel like Charlie from that one scene in Willy Wonka and the chocolate factory where he opens the bar with his grandpa. So I pretend to gingerly unfold the wrapping as if expecting a gold ticket. 

My ideal group setting to hang out is 3-8ish people. I think I got it down: #1 love language = quality time, next is service and gifts :) 

Even when I’m not feeling super tight with God or righteous or holy or giving him my 100%, he still uses me for His kingdom work. And I really really do feel and see the grace that infiltrates my life… to be able to see someone and HUNGER from the pits of your stomach for them to know Christ; to be able to care so much you would do anything; to want to lavish them with the love that is itching to be expressed; to be able to learn and grow lots from the most mundane interactions —- I am learning that these are not things that I am naturally or things that I have earned. But they have been GIVEN to me by the grace of God, for his glory. 

I’ve got peace like a river

Bible Bible Bible 

부흥의 불길

이땅의 황무함을 보소서 
하늘의 하나님 긍휼을 베푸시는 주여
우리의 죄악 용서하소서 이땅 고쳐주소서 

이제 우리모두 하나되어 
이땅의 무너진 기초를 다시 쌓을때 
우리의 우상들을 태우신 성령의불 임하소서 

부흥의 불길 타오르게 하소서 
진리의 말씀 이땅 새롭게 하소서 
은혜의 강물 흐르게 하소서 
성령의 바람 이제 불어와 

오 주의 영광 가득한 새날 주소서
오 주님 나라 이땅에 임하소서 

이제 우리모두 하나되어 
이땅의 무너진 기초를 다시 쌓을때
우리의 우상들을 태우신 성령의불 임하소서 

부흥의 불길 타오르게 하소서 
진리의 말씀 이땅 새롭게 하소서
은혜의 강물 흐르게 하소서
성령의 바람 이제 불어와 

오 주의 영광 가득한 새날 주소서
오 주님 나라 이땅에 임하소서

Tu Mirada - Marcos Witt

Tus ojos revelan que yo nada puedo esconder
que no soy nada sin ti Oh fiel Señor
Todo lo sabes de mí cuando miras el corazón,
todo lo puedes ver muy dentro de mí.
Lleva mi vida. A una sola verdad
Que cuando me miras nada puedo ocultar

Se que es tu fidelidad que lleva mi vida más allá
de lo que puedo imaginar
Se que no puedo negar que tu mirada puesta en mi
me llena de tu Paz

God sent His Son, they called Him Jesus 

He came to love, heal and forgive 

He lived and died to buy my pardon 

An empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow 

Because He lives, all fear is gone

Because I know He holds the future 

And life is worth the living just because He lives 

- Gaither Vocal Band - I wanna watch all those Gaither Homecoming DVDs all over again…. southern gospel <3 I want to listen to more of it!